I have always been a planner. I start tasks with an end in sight, a checklist of milestones along the way. I set goals for myself, and I work hard to accomplish each task methodically and in an organized manner. Sometimes my methodology needs to be updated, sometimes timelines need to be more flexible, and sometimes I have to take a step back and realize that I need an entirely new game plan.
A year ago, I quit my full-time job to pursue a career as a freelance technical writer, copywriter, and editor. In my plan, I gave myself four months, from September 1st to January 1st, to “make it all happen.” I was confident that my freelance career would be fruitful from the start, and I jumped in headfirst and completely unprepared. When January rolled around and I hadn’t gotten a single paid job, I felt like a failure not just to myself, but to my husband. Here I was, sitting at home by myself 8-9 hours a day, while my husband worked his butt off so that I could stay home and pursue my dreams. I felt guilt and remorse. I felt like I was wasting not only my time, but his as well.
When I told him how I felt and how upset I was at not meeting the goals I had set for myself, he took my hands in his and told me, “Stop being so hard on yourself. You’ll get there eventually.” He said a lot of beautiful, motivating things to me; but the most important thing that he told me was that there was never an end-date for the goal, in his eyes. I had been looking at the short-term, hard-and-fast goal that I set for myself. He had been looking at a bigger picture. I eventually did get a paid gig. It lasted three months, and it was stressful but motivating.
So here, for this blog, my one goal: keep going. I know there will be days that I don’t want to showcase my thoughts to the world (or whoever actually reads this), and I know there will be days that I feel like my writing is scattered. I want to push through those days and keep going. I want to be able to look back, one year from now, and feel accomplished in that goal. I’m excited and nervous, because I don’t have a solid plan, but I think that’s okay for now. The plan, for now, is “write.”
